Today I had the opportunity to revisit something.

(background first) I have this friend. Shes absolutely awesome. Great fun to be with, supreme intelligence levels, conversation and a whole lot of blah that I wont go into bcoz this aint no testimonial.
When I wished her for her bday, I asked her - 'So whats up for this year?'.

Like a song that you might have listened once and hummed all day, this question stuck in my mind. Like the beat of the bass drum, this question played back to me rhythmically all evening and night.

So what do I want to do this year? Whats up? Whats on? Where am I heading? Whats next for me?

Largely I am living the life of my choice. I always dreamt of doing this. I even look the way I always dreamt of as a kid. Everything is happening, everything is rocking.
I have challenges everyday.
Work challenges the shit out of me. Redbus depends on me to get their projected sales. 4 people's livelyhoods depend on me. Strange Brew's future depends on me.
Innovation has become the name of my game. I am paid to innovate. The world is watching me keenly and if I dont innovate in every aspect of the business world, my game is over. I fall back into the matrix.
Being a photographer is the scariest and most challenging thing ever. How can I lift up a camera and not produce a piece of art? Painters take hours, days and years to come up with one painting. I need to do that in a few milliseconds. How do I portray the person im shooting? What do I show, what dont I show, how do I compose the image, what can I add where that would make the image pop off the screen? And that too I have picked the toughest genre to specialize in. Portraiture.
I shit my load every weekend for about 5 hours. 2 hours before I head to rugby and 3 hours while im playing. Inspite of being cautioned by the whole world and watching brutal mauling happen in front of my eyes - I play. Im training and I WILL make it to the team this year. And this is considering me - a person who didnt walk for 3 years of his life and shunned all sporting activity for most of his existence.
I have such wonderful friends. Such a brilliant family. Some relationships just cannot be valued. I mean valuated. (sorry - business speak Haha!) In other words - priceless.
The joy on my dads face when I gifted him a citizen watch from my first paycheck was priceless. My mom's too when I gifted her a versace perfume. It would take me all my life and more to pay them back for everything they have given me.

All said and done, My life rocks so intensely that my nuts are falling off.

So whats next? Fuck, what a hard, impossible question.

I just made a small mental list of the things ive dreamt of doing. It has become pretty clear to me now that my life is about following and accomplishing every childhood dream of mine. And hell, ill do that!

1. Harvard business school - I dont know why, but this has remained a dream! Its not about the placements or the teaching - I know what they teach at b-school and thru startup experience its not something i need to learn, i pretty much know most of it. If i dont know something, Ill just hire someone out to do it! I dont need the placements, I can do any job without HBS.
But I dont know why. I just want to go there. I want to network. I want to study with a guy who spent years rehabilitating poor families in Libya. Or Sudan. I want to sit and study with a guy who worked as an investment banker, a writer, a poet, a lawyer etc. I just want to be with such a diverse set of super smart people and that will redefine my every paradigm. And this will be the team that I can rally together to do my dirty work - make a difference.
Ah, and good conversation! I just NEED to be in a place where the conversation is like reading a dictionary in reverse. Or other cryptic shit like that!

2. I want to make a difference. Dammit, im guilty. I started an NGO called Paradigm Shift. We did a sexy pilot project and then I distributed certificates to the kids, then got too caught up in work and forgot all about it.
I want to TRANSMORPH. I want to give life to the inanimate.
I want to fuckin kill those damn villagers who think they are not smart enough compared to us cityfolk. I want to tell these bastards that they have as much smarts as anyone on the planet, and that they better damn well start thinking.
I want to give them money. I want to help them start their businesses. I want the villagers to rally together and throw Kishore Biyani, Mittal/walmart, and the Ambanis out of the retail business. I want these fuckers to profit. And profit BIG. I want the rural ecosystem to grow and match up to India's economic growth.
And I want to shoot anyone who thinks he is not good enough.

3. Education - I hate the damn education system. Why does it have to be that the smartest thinkers and mavens in their respective fields that come out of this country are the rebels, problem children, and supposed delinquents. Why cant free thought, individuality and self expression be available to everyone in India? Why cant we let every single kid think for himself? Write his own answers based on his thoughts. Design his learning? Walk his path?
How dare a teacher decide the future of a kid by telling him that he is not good enough? How the fuck can marks be indicative of a child's mental ability?
When I formulate my strategy, India is going to hate me. But 200 years down the line, when people can think freely, my purpose will be achieved.
This is something I will give my life for.

4. Portraiture. Travel.
Nikhil Velpanur. And his camera. All over. Capturing life, love, rain, strangers, faces, places, sunsets, emotion.
I henceforth dedicate my life to perfecting the art of Portraiture. To shoot that perfect portrait. To encapsulate a lifetime of stories in that one image. To be the voice of the subject. To reinforce the age-old cliche - a picture is worth a thousand words.

5. Love. Sigh. Where is she?
Honestly, ive become quite asexual.
Where are you? I still have many more songs to write for you. And a shitload of love to give.

6. Write. I am going to die writing a book.
When I am ready for my final act, words will flow from everywhere. And I will write.
And do the one thing that I was born to do. Write.